Sunday, October 28, 2012

Mr G

Mr G's dad died.

I went home for a night to stay with him. There was no food.  He cried, got mad at me, told me how much he loves me then promised me the universe.
I didn't want the universe. I wanted love and attention.

That's really it. Because when you love someone you listen to them. You try to please them.

I don't want money and I don't want surprise gifts (got a pair of shoes). I wanted talking. Lots of talking. I wanted some understanding - I am so tired my bones hurt. I can't think because I'm in a fog and I just want to sleep and read all day.

At the same time, I want to be there for him. I want to help him and hug him when he cries and take care of him. I love him so much, I can't stand seeing him so shattered.

Memorial service is tomorrow.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Thanks parents

Mum and dad have told me I can live in their flat for a couple of months. I'm moving this weekend - they've put their foot down and told me they'll be expecting me to come round on Saturday with my stuff because we'll be having a family meeting (oh god) about my 'situation' so that we're all on the same page. Mum, dad, my sister and me. In a room. Talking about my love life.


I think they just want to check that I'm not having a breakdown.* I suspect that my dry, rational and emotionless behaviour has been scaring them.  Plus, they know I feel confused and upset, and I think that they're just not willing for me to just sit around the house wringing my hands.

I love it when they jump into action. They've basically constructed a mini-intervention.  Well done olds.

*I'm about 75% sure that I'm not.