Bunny from hell

Millions and millions of chocolate rabbits and eggs are out and about in Melbourne. You can't escape them. They pop up in the most unlikely places, ready to give you diabetes and Easter cheer.

One in particular is destined to trap me again and again. It's the Lindt bunny. I've always loved them, with their cute little red bows and their adorable little golden bells. But they are over $5. And I am not paying $5 for a little chocolate rabbit. It's absurd.

I was sitting on the couch the other day watching a doco on rainforest animals (seriously, this is what I do on weekends), and I heard a rustling behind me. And then I heard the tinny sound of a little golden bell. And yes, it did sound golden. You could both hear and feel the gold dripping into your ears. From around the corner of the couch poked a little golden Lindt bunny, closely followed by a smiling Mr G.

"Shop at Hot Potatoes. They don't have Lindt"

I naturally thought 'oh how lovely' and we unwrapped the bunny ready to eat the damn chocolate and enjoy David Attenborough. Then I actually put a piece in my mouth. It was WONDERFUL. Entrancing. I simply cannot describe how spectacular this stupid chocolate bunny was. It was like that dream I had where Sam Worthington and I went shopping for toilet paper at a $2 store.

I want to break it into pieces and melt it onto ice-cream. I want to grate it into hot milk. I want to melt it in a little saucepan and then climb into bed and eat it straight from the pan with a teaspoon. But I doubt I'll ever get that far. I'll buy one, leave it on my bedside table for a few days, then in a moment of weakness I'll nibble the ears. Then about 5 minutes later it'll be gone and I will be feeling miserable.

The big one reads the Herald Sun. Pure evil.

The Lindt bunny has joined my list of evil foods that I cannot resist easily and must therefore avoid forever lest we have a repeat of the great expansion of 2006.

1. Apple and custard scrolls from Baker's Delight
2. Cream cheese
3. Lindt bunnies