This is a rant against Vodafone

I love blogs because you can vent about things that nobody wants to hear.

So here it is. Vodafone.

I have an old Nokia that I bought in London for £10. It's done pretty well considering how badly I have treated it. It doesn't usually work. It's usually quite good with texts, and occasionally I can receive the odd phone call. But in the past few weeks it's just been getting worse and worse and I finally decided it was time to get on a plan so I could have a fancy new phone. I went for Vodafone, because Mr G is on Vodafone and I could call him and leave him weird messages for fun.

WELL. What an epic mistake that was. After putting through an online order (should be straight-forward, I've opened bank accounts online), I heard nothing for a few working days. I called Vodafone and after sitting on hold for ages I got told that I had called the wrong number (I'm not an idiot, I called the number on the website for the online store) and that I would be transferred. Cue lame 'funky' music. After another fun wait, a human told me to wait a few days.

Fine. I finally get an email telling me that they need more information. I was uncomfortable emailing all my details through (it's a hangover from email scam days) so I simply called up the so-called online store. Of course, this time I was expecting to be transferred so it was no great surprise when it happened. The woman I was put through to was totally freaked out by my request to verify and supply information. She kept asking me what I wanted. Finally I asked her to put me through to the Online Sales Team. She told me that she couldn't because they are online and there is no number. THERE IS NO FRACKING NUMBER FOR THE DAMN ONLINE SALES TEAM! Vodafone, you are a totally shit company. You can't give them some phones? I want to sit your CEO down and make him listen to hours of your rubbish hold music. Then I want to force him to talk to your dreadful "customer service" people. They can say things like "what do you want? What do you mean you ordered a plan and phone on the internet?"

It's called a job interview you idiots. Start screening the people you hire. Start with your management team.

Anyway, after I finally got this woman to understand, she took down my details. I went to bed telling Mr G that it would be a miracle if it all went through. I was so sure that all was not well, I emailed Online Sales the next day to ask them to confirm. They emailed back saying they couldn't access any of the information that I'd given. So I emailed it. I emailed EXACTLY what they asked for and asked them to send me a confirmation email that it was all ok.

Today I got an email saying that they need more information.

No. No no no no no. I will not give you anything else. You are so dreadful that I actually want to stay with Virgin. Why did I even try to leave? They don't give me any perks, but they don't give me grief either.

I sent an email back asking Vodafone to cancel my order. If they cause even the slightest fuss, I'm going to put Mr G on the phone and he can go mental at them.

Get stuffed Vodafone, I'm going to work to get Mr G away from you as soon as possible.