Lately

I like my job. I mean, when I think of a safe happy place, I think of work. It's what happens when you pursue a career you love.

Yesterday Mr G and I painted some of our house. I sanded the skirting boards and door frames, the put the primer on. It took the entire day. It's sad that we're doing up the place to sell rather than to live and raise a family in. I've cried a few times over it. Mr G asked if I'd ever have time for a partner. I said yes, I'd have time for the right partner. He agreed that being friends is for the best. We are both so sad, and miss our relationship but that's just something we have to deal with.

He's a great man. Flaws yes, but he has never hurt me on purpose. That's not something I can say about any other partner. He also tries hard to adapt and improve.

So, at the moment, relationships aren't safe places. Home isn't a safe place because mum and dad rock up every few weeks, spend some time yelling and then go away again - leaving me exhausted.

But work is safe. I know what I'm doing there. I can control my output. I can make suggestions. Nobody yells at me (mostly). I have mentors and people to ask for help if I need it. On Friday I wrote a proposal for work that was higher level stuff than I should be doing. It was great to get that experience. I now have three part time staff I manage (not officially, because then I'd have to be paid more) and I have a full timer coming in a few weeks. He's cool too. Nice guy. Seems keen to learn which is brilliant.

As for the thesis, Mr G finally gave me some support. We talked about how I hated him resenting it. It's not fair that he complains about my lack of time when his job gives him take home work and extra activities like camps. It's not going well right now, because I've been crying over the house and I've been missing my best friend who is over in New Zealand on holiday. It's virtually impossible to produce strong work when you are counting the hours until a hug, a chat and a burger.

I compared my friends with Mr G's. explained that my friends try really hard to include people and talk and make everyone comfortable. His work friends are mostly jerks to me. Not overly mean or anything, just not inclusive or kind. He pointed out that his closest friends are really kind, which is true. They are lovely and make a proper effort. His family especially. It's hard going over all this again just because of the stupid house. I can't wait for it to be sold so we can all move on with life.